It’s not just a gain when we grow but a lot of things that we lose and don’t even realize. We realize this when we get those flashbacks, get into memories and when we realize there is no going back. We just wish… this is all we can do… I got to know what I lost when I was home this Diwali and sitting in my favourite corner of the home at midnight. The Stairs…
I am not as patient as I was then
I was looking at some of my immature paintings I did when I was around 10th grade. Things were so detailed from jewelry, hair, clothing, texture… Damn,… I am not this patient now. Probably, I can’t even draw or paint this kind of stuff anymore. I can’t draw or fill the bird with colors. I have lost my patience.
People say I have got wonderful patience but they don’t know it’s not even half of what I had a few years ago. And I only realized that today.
Eerie silence, only the clock is ticking and making me run through all those memories. They say, memories are beautiful, they make you smile, they are special.
Indeed they are special but they are not always just to make you smile. If you have a good present and past, those memories can make you smile. If you’re alone someday, those memories make you realize what you don’t have today. That smile doesn’t come alone. It comes with an inherent pain.
But at the same time, at this midnight hour, it made me realize what I need to do… it encouraged me to make my present time here have everything that I might still not realize and what can make me more self-aware and fulfilled and what can make me and people around me happy. I need to earn my patience back.
I am not as playful
I was one of the naughtiest and most active kids who always had something to do to make everyone busy in the gang. I was one who took initiative to try every weird thing that ended up being fun stuff to everyone. Why not now?
I am surely missing this kind of spirit. I thought I am doing my best but damn.. I was not… My childhood was way better and not just efficient but effective, winning and above all, worth a life.
I need to be playful and daring again…in much the same way with no fear of rejection and failure. But only to move on.
It’s only today that matters more
As I grew up, I was stuck with a thought.. there is only today. But no… I was wrong.. There is a tomorrow if you want.. and a beautiful one. Just be hopeful, plan it, act and sleep well… only to have a beautiful tomorrow welcome you.
I will plan, I will act at my best and with best of efforts – and I will sleep well.
I lost my gang
I was a leader who used to initiate all the good and weird games and I had a gang to follow and support. This flashback made me think and realize.. I am not social.. I don’t have people to share much, to talk to.. to encourage if I am low someday… to have fun if I am in a playful mood… I need to get social and get people around me who are as crazy as I am, successful and people who love life.
Life is beautiful irrespective of the age you’re in. You just need to keep that child in you live forever that makes you dream and turn those dreams into reality.. without getting tired, sad and hopeless.
Did you lose something too? And then realized like me. Would love to hear your thoughts.
Stay blessed and loved..