What I lost when I grew up

It’s not just a gain when we grow but a lot of things that we lose and don’t even realize. We realize this when we get those flashbacks, get into memories and when we realize there is no going back. We just wish… this is all we can do… I got to know what I lost when I was home this Diwali and sitting in my favourite corner of the home at midnight. The Stairs…

I am not as patient as I was then

I was looking at some of my immature paintings I did when I was around 10th grade. Things were so detailed from jewelry, hair, clothing, texture… Damn,… I am not this patient now. Probably, I can’t even draw or paint this kind of stuff anymore. I can’t draw or fill the bird with colors. I have lost my patience.

People say I have got wonderful patience but they don’t know it’s not even half of what I had a few years ago. And I only realized that today.

Eerie silence, only the clock is ticking and making me run through all those memories. They say, memories are beautiful, they make you smile, they are special.

Indeed they are special but they are not always just to make you smile. If you have a good present and past, those memories can make you smile. If you’re alone someday, those memories make you realize what you don’t have today. That smile doesn’t come alone. It comes with an inherent pain.

But at the same time, at this midnight hour, it made me realize what I need to do… it encouraged me to make my present time here have everything that I might still not realize and what can make me more self-aware and fulfilled and what can make me and people around me happy. I need to earn my patience back.

I am not as playful

I was one of the naughtiest and most active kids who always had something to do to make everyone busy in the gang. I was one who took initiative to try every weird thing that ended up being fun stuff to everyone. Why not now?

I am surely missing this kind of spirit. I thought I am doing my best but damn.. I was not… My childhood was way better and not just efficient but effective, winning and above all, worth a life.

I need to be playful and daring again…in much the same way with no fear of rejection and failure. But only to move on.

It’s only today that matters more

As I grew up, I was stuck with a thought.. there is only today. But no… I was wrong.. There is a tomorrow if you want.. and a beautiful one. Just be hopeful, plan it, act and sleep well… only to have a beautiful tomorrow welcome you.

I will plan, I will act at my best and with best of efforts – and I will sleep well.

I lost my gang

I was a leader who used to initiate all the good and weird games and I had a gang to follow and support. This flashback made me think and realize.. I am not social.. I don’t have people to share much, to talk to.. to encourage if I am low someday… to have fun if I am in a playful mood… I need to get social and get people around me who are as crazy as I am, successful and people who love life.

Life is beautiful irrespective of the age you’re in. You just need to keep that child in you live forever that makes you dream and turn those dreams into reality.. without getting tired, sad and hopeless.

Did you lose something too? And then realized like me. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Stay blessed and loved..

12 thoughts on “What I lost when I grew up”

  1. Good to read your thoughts mam!!!!!!
    Me too missing my childhood memories after reading this heart touching post. I also miss my craziness and always prepare to do anything in my life after getting some failures, but your post encourage me again to love my life again and want to loose a fear of rejection and failure.
    Thank you mam for such a inspiring post…. 🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. Mind blowing Sunita. Really i like your article. I just remembered some of the days when I couldn’t get sleep…i would ask my mum to run her hands thru my hair and i would soon fall asleep…but if she stopped and i didn’t sleep yet I would ask her i still need more 🙂 I am grateful that I have had those simple yet loving childhood memories.

  3. That’s so great that you have these kinds of memories. I think every kid should be so lucky to grow up and remember there family travels. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Awww… I think I remember the food more than anything. If it is something different than what mum made (and better tasting) I always remember for years to come. 😀

  5. Ma’m its my happiest moment to read this article about Memories….. Such a nice post also Thanks for sharing this… 🙂

  6. I like your articles, but reading this I could not resist writing to you. While reading it remembered my childhood days… How I used to enjoy with friends and the places where I used to play… Similar feelings I have when I go to those places, and see those objects around. Those pillars and trees are still there but not those friends… I touch those trees, I sit those particular places and look into the sky with lots of dreams in my mind 🙂 …. But your attitude in the ending is very encouraging.
    Thanks for sharing such good thoughts !!

  7. It was such a heart-warming post Sunita. Really liked it. Thinking of old childhood memories touch those strings of heart. As you’ve written, it brings happiness with some pain too. I really miss those peaceful and present moments, spending hours to catch the butterflies, without any hurry to accomplish and complete anty tasks and wish to have same kind of moments sometimes.
    Thanks for sharing such a lovely post.

  8. Beautiful post Sunita, very thoughtful… smile comes with an inherent pain, so true… The most I lost is the free will to do anything any time, however silly…. and the natural playfulness of that time:)

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